Monday, August 12, 2019

Reflective Musings from a Lifelong Spanko

Early Awakenings


"Spanking" 

A word that evokes feelings of excitement, apprehension, arousal and can send my tummy flipping to it's very core.


From as early as I can remember, I've had a 'thing' for spanking. As a child, without really understanding why, I would be drawn to TV shows and movies where a spanking may be shown or referenced.  It was a confusing time for me as I never really understood my feelings. If I knew a spanking scene was coming up in a movie, I would want to watch it alone always worried that, if witnessed, someone would guess my fascination.  

There was never any desire to want a spanking from my parents but, as a child of the 70s, a swat on the bottom or the legs from a well meaning teacher was common place and I would find myself staring if any classmate ended up on the receiving end of a well aimed smack. As a strong willed child, I, too, often felt the sting of a teacher's hand and, if I'm completely honest, when given from a male teacher, there was a certain internal turmoil that danced around in my tummy when his hand connected with my bottom. So confusing for a child who had no idea why it would illicit such a reaction.

My teen years were spent devouring any historical romance or Mills and Boon in the hopes there may be a spanking scene hidden somewhere within the pages. Please remember, this was the era before internet and so my 'fix' had to come from either books or TV.  By the mid 80s, political correctness  was beginning to rise and spanking scenes were no longer common place in movies or TV shows therefore, I quickly became a fan of 50s, 60s and 70s movies. Most memorable scenes were those from Blue Hawaii, McLintock and Kiss Me Kate, possibly because they were movies often shown on Australian TV during the 80s.

I was in my mid teens when I discovered spanking created a sexual response from me and I have to admit, that confused me even more. Why would something that caused pain, give me such pleasure? Probably a question asked by many a 14 yr old spanko - lol! I actually experienced my first orgasm while reading a spanking scene in a romance book. 

It was around the age of 16 that I really started to provoke spankings from my male friends. I will admit, I was a troubled teen and any attention was still attention. It embarrasses me to remember those days as I was so desperate to be loved, I would brat and push until I got a reaction. Many swats were delivered to my eager backside but I was always left wanting as the spanking was never enough and, by that, I mean on an emotional level. 

Then, into my life came 'S'. I was 17 when I met him and we were close until I moved away at the age of 21. Although we were never 'intimate' as lovers, he fulfilled in me a need for consistency and discipline.  S was a born 'top'. He was dominant, consistent and thorough. He pulled me up every time I crossed a line. He never let me get away with behaviour he felt was unacceptable and would respond with a quick sharp swat or a full blown spanking depending on the circumstances. As we were never intimate, the spankings were always delivered over clothing which may not seem 'real' to some but, to me, they were very real. The thing that often surprised me during this time was not the intensity of the spanking so much as the intensity of the scolding that would accompany it. S showed me that bratting and provoking wasn't the way to win friends and influence people - lol!! He was pivotal in teaching me to respect those around me.

The thing I loved most about S was his consistency. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, chaos ruled my life. Having someone who reacted the same way, every time, was something I had not experienced. As horrible as it sounds I would brat and provoke him just to get a reaction simply because I knew he would react. I tested him at every turn and, each time, he did not disappoint. Looking back, I know how unfair this was on him but, at the time, my selfishness and desire overruled my need to respect him. It's something I regret deeply and, something, many years later, I was able to apologise for.

In hindsight, I can see how much I needed S at the time and what an impact he had on my life. 

For the next 30 years, my experience has been, pardon the pun, very hit and miss. There have been men in my life who have spanked me, both in discipline and in play but there's not been that someone special with whom I could form a strong connection and submit to as his TiH. 

That is where I am today. 
I have taken back my life, rid myself of many demons and am now ready to find that someone special. 


My question to you is... 
1. Did you know from an early age that you had a fascination with spanking and, like me, did you seek it out, generally in a negative form such as bratting and/or annoying behaviour, from those around you before you met your lifelong Mr/Ms Spanky? 
I would be honoured to hear your stories should you be willing to share.


Thanks for reading,
Love
Kanga Jo






8 comments:

  1. From an early age I have had this desire, being a male made it even worse. I dated, careful about the subject, I did spank my dates, not all, just when the opportunity arose. Living in an apartment meant this girl, we got along, and got carried away and really redden her bottom, she did not complain. She wanted me to meet her Mother, divorced, nice home outside the city. It wasn't long before the "spanking" came up and her mother mentioned she did not approve. To my shock she said she could call the police, saying I had hit her daughter. My mouth dropped and I could say nothing. This woman was nothing I had seen before, she then said she could give me a spanking and see how I like it. Her daughter giggled, and I looked at her wondering what was happening. I finally said you could, but it would not hurt, and then again I could be wanting a spanking. I then stood up and started to lower my jeans, and the mother got up, left the room, came back with a hairbrush. She pulled a chair to the middle of the room and then said off with the underpants and I looked at her, want help she said, and soon I was bare from the waist down. Over my lap, let see if a spanking hurts or doesn't hurt. Well after ten spanks with the hairbrush I was trying to get off her lap. Doesn't hurt does it she said as the brush landed hard and fast. I was soon kicking, pleading. When she stopped I laid across her lap and she sternly said, get use to it young man, my daughter will be the one doing the spanking, understand, Yes Mam I said. She stood me up, best face the wall and I did as told. Was about an half hour and I was told to stand before her daughter. She said it was her turn and over her lap I went and was a mess when she finished. Later at the apartment I told her that I've wanted a spanking, a desire for a long time, I felt relief. She told me she needed to be in charge if we got married and then added spankings will be for punishment not for sex. I said okay and so it has been a year since our marriage, we have a nice home, and yes the spankings are used. Her mother, my mother-in-law gave her a nice large hairbrush as a wedding present. I have been spanked in front of my mother-in-law, and have been seen facing the wall by a couple of her close friends. It took a long time to finally get a spanking and I found relief after a spanking. I may not like standing, scolded, all on display, the hairbrush gets my attention. A time or two my mother-in-law while visiting her has taken me to the bedroom and applied the hairbrush, her daughter approves.

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    1. Thank you for sharing. That's an amazing story and I'm glad you finally got what you were craving and needed xx

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  2. Kanga,
    I loved hearing about your history as a person who needs spanking in her life. I really don't have memories before I realized my fascination with spanking. As a child sometimes if we were playing house, there might be a funny spanking, but it didn't really quench my curiosity. I did not seek out boys to spank me as I was already aware that this was something to conceal.

    I concealed it for many years from the man I loved thinking he would reject me. Thank god I finally spoke.

    Sending Hugs Down Under,
    Ella

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    1. Very happy for you too that you spoke up and so pleased for you that your man understood and embraced the lifestyle with you.
      I also understood the need to conceal the desire. I guess when I say I sought it out, I mean by way of deliberately bratting or being cheeky etc. It wasn't fair on anyone and certainly wasn't the way to go about things. It's something I regret.
      Thanks for sharing Ella, I appreciate it.xx

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  3. Hi Kanga-Jo,

    Thank you for sharing your story and for your honesty. I can relate to much of this. I also had a fascination with spanking from an early age and also used to devour books in the hope of finding a spanking scene.

    I didn't seek a partner who would spank me. In fact,I was in a long term totally vanilla relationship for years. It was a happy coincidence meeting a fellow spanko in Rick...a fact we discovered through teasing and then talking.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, so happy you have found a fellow spanker in Rick. That's one of my fears - that I meet a man I fall madly in love with but he can't embrace that side of me. I guess, should it happen, we'll sort something out.
      We should compare novels one day - lol!! I'm sure we'd have a lot of titles in common :)
      Hugs, Kanga Jo xx

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  4. I love reading your story, Kanga Jo, I love that you are so willing to put yourself out there and share.
    --Baker

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    1. Thank you Baker. I'm a work in progress,(aren't we all, lol!) and hoping to find my Hoss one day soon.
      Hugs,
      Kanga Jo

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